By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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