You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
