dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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