I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
