Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
