And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
