R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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