K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
