So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
