oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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