My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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