The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
try to milk me bitch
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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