i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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