Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
