Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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