Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
