just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
