I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
