she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
