My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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