I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize