drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
