Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
