Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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