I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize