I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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