Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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