Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
