He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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