I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
