Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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