i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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