Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
