i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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