Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
