Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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