You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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