Where is the hickey?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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