Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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