Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
