i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
