just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
