I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
