So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
