yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
