What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
