Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
