Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
