There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
