He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
