Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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