JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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