So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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