All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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