so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
