I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
