ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
