"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
