Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pants are for mortals
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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