Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
