eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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