It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize