Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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