oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
