my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
