Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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