I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
