I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize