I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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