I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
