So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
