If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
