My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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