She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
