dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
